Number One Wai Guo Ren

"Don't lie to me," I said, shaking an eggplant in the face of the small barbecue restaurant's boss. First they tested my knowledge of vegetable names- xiang cai, chie zi, jui cai- and were supplementing with others. I was making sure they did not tell me the wrong names for the foods. "We are all good teachers in Changsha, we wouldn't cheat a foreigner," the boss's wife said.

I sat down to eat and the standard questions began, " where are you from?... what do you do?... how much money do you make in the USA?... how old are you?... why are Americans fat?... All Americans are beautiful right?... do you eat hot pepper? ...have you become accustomed to Chinese food?" and finally, " do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," I replied, and paused a few moments, " I have a wife (literally sweety)."

" In America?" He said. "Do you also have one in Changsha?"

I smiled. " Of course, my second wife is in Changsha... And my third is in Beijing."

The boss's wife laughed and replied, "In China we say one man and one woman." A pause, "Tomorrow come back and bring your your sweety, okay?"

" I can't go out with my Changsha sweety, she is my mimi de lao po (secret sweety). Think about how much trouble it would be from her. In Beijing, I can go out with my number 3 sweety, there are enough foreigners there, I do not stand out. But here I cannot." I pause, " If I come back, will you give me a discount?"

" Okay, a little cheaper."

I continue, "But I can't bring my mimi de lao po. I don't want to give her any problems. I know how bad it is to be famous in China. In Changsha, I am famous. Here, I am the Number One Wai Guo Ren (Foreigner), everyone knows me. You know me, they know me, " pointing across the street, "everyone knows me. Why would I want my sweety to have those problems."

They laugh and say, " Ah, the number one wai guo ren."