The Bath Center

I have known something like this would have happened the first time I met Phillip because he would talk on and on about the bodies of sexy women wrestlers and strong WWF members. It was the world cup final match and he took me and Henry to watch it at a bar. He also spoke about taking us to the Chinese bath center, a place to take a shower, relax, see a show, get a massage, play and have a good time...

So yesterday Phillip asked me to go to the Chinese bath. As you walk into the bath, a servant escorts you to you locker and hangs each piece of clothing as you undress down to your underwear, after all this is a bath center. The main room downstairs is decorated in faux roman styles with a few fake trees, the room has a the sauna, hot room, many whirl pools, showers, and mostly naked men. A few men are wearing pants, they are the attendants. After you finish in the bath, they give you pajamas to wear around the common room to eat dinner, which has both women and men. Dinner is include with the admission as well as an entertainment show that has singer, comedians, and acrobats. Kind of like a bigger version of a Floridian retirement center with strip tease show in the basement.

So Phillip, my friend who is a very socially awkward, but quite boring person as well, but obsessed with taking showers, asked " do you want a massage" is a nervous broken English. He asked over and over, Not knowing what to do, I asked him. Eventually it came out that the massages are very expensive and he did not want to pay for it. So I said, "mei guan xi" Chinese version of "it's all good."

After our fifth shower I went into the sauna and steam room. As exiting the sauna, I was I was surrounded by staff members who ushered me into a room with a lot of beds and shower nozzles. Not wanting to fight, I figured I would get whatever they are giving me, what did I know, I was a stupid wai gou ren.

He begins by scrubbing everywhere, a total exfoliation, from my shoulders to underneath my shao didi (my little brother, a Chinese nickname for your....) as well as your shao didi's two little friends. Multiple times, making sure he was truly clean. Using many different materials, from oil or soap, rub you down, getting every nook and cranny, really, every nook and cranny on front and back. Washing you down, and then rub again. Kind of like a horizontal shower. Eventually they are if I want the honey, why not, got this far. Afterwards, they stick you in the sauna for a few minutes and you shower with your skin feeling fresh as a baby's bottom.

Then in our pajamas, we went to watch the show. Phillip was weird and quite, asking if I was relaxed, obviously he was worried about the massage price, not include in admission. The show had a lot of jokes about Changsha hua vs Pu Tong Hua, allot about 1st, 2nd, and 3rd wives, all favorite things for Chinese people to talk about.

When we were leaving, Phillip wanted to shower again for the 10th time, so I said okay. As we were showering, he in his close talking Chinese style asks time if this time I should cover me. I said okay, I thought he meant the AA rule (what Chinese people call when you pay for yourself). A very unchinese thing to do, because he did not want to pay for the massage, which was seriously overpriced about 90 RMB, but I did not know, I was a stupid wai guo ren. As we were checking out, he just hands his card in and I end up paying for him as well. So I ended up paying for both of us, his was not that much, only 28 RMB (not a bad price for a shower, sauna and dinner), but if I knew I was paying, we would have left earlier, because I would have
been the Big Macher of the night, and certainly taken less showers. This is what happens when you go out with a man who talks on and on about the Glamorous ladies of wrestling.