The Bath Center

I have known something like this would have happened the first time I met Phillip because he would talk on and on about the bodies of sexy women wrestlers and strong WWF members. It was the world cup final match and he took me and Henry to watch it at a bar. He also spoke about taking us to the Chinese bath center, a place to take a shower, relax, see a show, get a massage, play and have a good time...

So yesterday Phillip asked me to go to the Chinese bath. As you walk into the bath, a servant escorts you to you locker and hangs each piece of clothing as you undress down to your underwear, after all this is a bath center. The main room downstairs is decorated in faux roman styles with a few fake trees, the room has a the sauna, hot room, many whirl pools, showers, and mostly naked men. A few men are wearing pants, they are the attendants. After you finish in the bath, they give you pajamas to wear around the common room to eat dinner, which has both women and men. Dinner is include with the admission as well as an entertainment show that has singer, comedians, and acrobats. Kind of like a bigger version of a Floridian retirement center with strip tease show in the basement.

So Phillip, my friend who is a very socially awkward, but quite boring person as well, but obsessed with taking showers, asked " do you want a massage" is a nervous broken English. He asked over and over, Not knowing what to do, I asked him. Eventually it came out that the massages are very expensive and he did not want to pay for it. So I said, "mei guan xi" Chinese version of "it's all good."

After our fifth shower I went into the sauna and steam room. As exiting the sauna, I was I was surrounded by staff members who ushered me into a room with a lot of beds and shower nozzles. Not wanting to fight, I figured I would get whatever they are giving me, what did I know, I was a stupid wai gou ren.

He begins by scrubbing everywhere, a total exfoliation, from my shoulders to underneath my shao didi (my little brother, a Chinese nickname for your....) as well as your shao didi's two little friends. Multiple times, making sure he was truly clean. Using many different materials, from oil or soap, rub you down, getting every nook and cranny, really, every nook and cranny on front and back. Washing you down, and then rub again. Kind of like a horizontal shower. Eventually they are if I want the honey, why not, got this far. Afterwards, they stick you in the sauna for a few minutes and you shower with your skin feeling fresh as a baby's bottom.

Then in our pajamas, we went to watch the show. Phillip was weird and quite, asking if I was relaxed, obviously he was worried about the massage price, not include in admission. The show had a lot of jokes about Changsha hua vs Pu Tong Hua, allot about 1st, 2nd, and 3rd wives, all favorite things for Chinese people to talk about.

When we were leaving, Phillip wanted to shower again for the 10th time, so I said okay. As we were showering, he in his close talking Chinese style asks time if this time I should cover me. I said okay, I thought he meant the AA rule (what Chinese people call when you pay for yourself). A very unchinese thing to do, because he did not want to pay for the massage, which was seriously overpriced about 90 RMB, but I did not know, I was a stupid wai guo ren. As we were checking out, he just hands his card in and I end up paying for him as well. So I ended up paying for both of us, his was not that much, only 28 RMB (not a bad price for a shower, sauna and dinner), but if I knew I was paying, we would have left earlier, because I would have
been the Big Macher of the night, and certainly taken less showers. This is what happens when you go out with a man who talks on and on about the Glamorous ladies of wrestling.

The Big Macher

Learning the techniques of Chinese edict takes a long time. I use the word techniques, because there are complex ways which each of the people via for the position of Big Macher as well as being a graceful guest. Obviously Big Macher is a Jewish word- for all those who to not know about it, the Big Macher is an important, usually wealthy person, in the community that will financially help the community and others when in need. The Big Macher commands respect, but they also give a lot to everyone.

Chinese people love to be the Big Macher by treating others to meals, sometimes bringing them on a trip, giving presents, or taking them for a massage. "Qing ni chi fan" means I invite you to eat. In China, the inviter treats the invitee to a meal. To show really how much you appreciate their company, the restaurant is always the best around and the food is abundant, so much that there must be food left over. Interesting, this is combined with a cultural reverence for humility and modesty, so when you thank you host, they always say something equivalent to "what this meal, fa- it was nothing."

At times I've wanted to be the Big Macher, but my skills are not adept. First, the easiest way to be the Big Macher, is towards the end of the meal, sneak off and pay the bill. You can have your son pay, a nice sneaky way. Then when everyone gets up to pay, you can either push their hands away from their wallets (sometimes this is violent) or put you arms around their shoulders and walk them out of the restaurant.

Second, if you notice the food is running out towards the middle of the meal, make sure to order more. This requires careful timing. Also, when your guest is full and starts to eat more slowly, you must urge them to eat more (this certainly contributes to my da du zi, big belly). Even if you are full, you urge them, please eat slowly."

Third, perhaps on of the hardest, is a full on battle for the check. When the check comes, you must fight with the others to pay it, slapping their hands, wallets, and speaking loudly. I am waiting for a full out brawl the next time I go to a restaurant. I am not sure how they decide when to stop, and the bill is never split. I assume they know who is going to pay, it is the Big Macher.

Extreme China

Sometimes being a foreigner in China is hard and frustrating. Chinese people always say "well, you are just not used to the culture, this happens to everyone in China, we also treat other Chinese people this way." Which is true. All the things that happen to foreigners can happen to Chinese, sometimes Chinese also get stared at, they certainly get asked personal questions, are invited to eat dinner, made to negotiate prices (even the university I am at negotiates the prices and classes and promptly and then changes what they said), and receive compliments. Chinese shop keepers, also at times, will try to get Chinese people to the highest prices.

What Chinese people fail to understand is that as a foreigner these things happen to you more, 24 hours per day 7 days a week. This is Extreme China, all of the great things and not so great things happen to you. You are the most interesting thing on the street so everyone stares at you, often pointing and calling you a " foreigner (Wai guo ren)." Unless a half man half dog walks by, they will stare at you for a while. If it does, they will look at the half man half dog for a moment, then look back at you.

The other day, I went shopping with Henry and Jasmine. Henry is a white American married to Jasmine, a very pregnant Hunan native who loves to meander through the open air markets searching for watermelon. Jasmine and I are doing a culinary cultural exchange. Just as Chinese food in America, in general, is not really Chinese food, Western food in China is not Western food. I am going to teach her about my pasta mimi (pasta secret, which I got from Lydia's family table, a great show if anyone is interested) and she has taught me to cook gong pao chicken and Chinese sliced potatoes (steamed fish is next week, an exciting dish.)

As we walked through the market, Henry explains the essence of Extreme China, "If I go through once, 75 % of people stare at me, but if I have to go back, then 99% stare at me." Which may be worse for Henry, because he has a pregnant Chinese wife, very precious in a country that has many more men than women. What is worse that worse is Henry's wife is pregnant, the world knows he has good aim.

Americanism in China

Chinese people are all amateur anthropologists and sociologists, asking foreigners about their homeland, then comparing the culture to their own. For Americans, questions are endless about the food we eat, the size of our families, the cost of things, our salaries, people's body shapes, our noses, hair, butts, common views of dating and sex, the battle and or equality or the sexes, and about our politics, our war, and our Idiot president (they are always more polite than that).

Certainly this stems from a natural curiosity, friendliness, and a strong sense of Chinese culture. Also because it is hard for Chinese to travel abroad and this may be the best way for them to get ideas about the outside world (Incidentally, in the spirit of education about other cultures, I've been informally asked give a lecture series at the University of Hunan on Jewish culture and history, I suppose in Changsha, a Jew is the closest thing they have to a Jewish Scholar. Not sure if it will happen, but if it does, my first lecture will begin with "thank you for coming, I am going to tell you how the Jews became the smartest and wealthiest race in the entire world").

Certainly the questions and analysis are guided by Chinese looking to their own future and imagining if that can happen in China. For many, America as model, despite their current political issues between the countries, which also come up (mostly Taiwan and tariffs USA uses for human rights issues). I can certainly see America is coming to China in the form of stuff- gated communities, malls, Walmart, CK, and Polo. (Some of the companies are angry at China for not enforcing copyright laws, but in the end, they can't deal without the potential market of hundreds of millions of people). China currently is very modern and in Changsha, I was very surprised how I can pretty much get anything I can in NYC, except for good pizza. A spectacular sight is the construction of a mall called Rodeo Drive in a relatively rural suburb or Changsha, completely supplied with an Abercrombie and Finch store.

Interestingly though, they don't have that many American TV shows, from what I understand. Friends and American Idol are very popular, but reality TV has not yet hit the scene (although I told my translator about the Apprentice, and he now watches it online and is very excited because it is a show that can also teach you about business). A Chinese show called "Bejingers in New York" is also a popular way to find out that shoes cost $300 in New York."

China is huge, and largely divided form the rest of the world and itself through very high mountains. This has for thousands of years created a divide with the rest of the world, but the young generation is very open to new ideas like never before. A very exciting time to be here and see how it develops, as it feels like the whole world is watching as well. Hopefully, America has much good stuff to offer, and hopefully China will take it along with the other stuff.